How do we help clients process traumatic events when we’re struggling to process them ourselves?
Another tragedy. Another polarizing event that sends shock waves through our communities and straight into our therapy offices. Whether it’s a mass shooting, a terrorist attack, or political violence, these events don’t just impact our clients, they can make our hair feel like it’s on fire too. And then we’re expected to show up, be present, and help our clients process their trauma while we’re sitting there feeling just as shaken, angry, or scared as they are.
Sound familiar?
If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “How am I supposed to help them when I can barely hold it together myself?” then you’re not alone. This is one of the most challenging aspects of being a therapist. Today’s world makes it harder.
We’re All Human
Therapists get triggered too. We watch the news, live in communities we care about, and feel fears about safety, violence, and the state of our world.
The difference is that we’re expected to manage our reactions while simultaneously holding space for our clients’ pain, fear, and anger. It’s a tall order that sometimes feels impossible.
But your ability to help your clients is directly tied to your ability to help yourself FIRST.
The Foundation: Do Your Own Work
My mantra when I was a clinical supervisor: we can only go as deep with our clients as we’re willing to go with ourselves.
Self-reflection isn’t just a nice idea; it’s a therapist’s superpower and it requires ongoing, intentional work:
This isn’t about becoming perfect or bias-free. It’s about becoming aware so you can respond instead of react.
A Personal Confession: When I Lost It
One of my biggest professional failures taught me why this work matters.
A client walked into my office wearing a t-shirt that she knew I would find offensive. I interpreted her t-shirt (and some additional comments) as deliberately provocative. I told myself I could handle this. Then, after about 20 minutes, despite my good intentions, I took the bait. Because I hadn’t done enough of my own work yet, I allowed myself to be goaded into reacting emotionally.
I responded from a place of fear, anger, and judgment instead of curiosity. She got defensive, terminated therapy, and I lost what could have been a golden opportunity to help her understand how her provocative behavior was sabotaging her relationships.
That failure taught me what I needed to learn.
The pattern she showed in that session, provoking people until they react with anger, was exactly what was destroying her relationships outside my office. But because I was triggered and unprepared, I became part of the problem instead of the solution.
From Reaction to Response
When polarizing events happen, our clients bring their raw emotions, fears, and sometimes inflammatory opinions into our offices. How do we handle this without getting pulled into the chaos? In other words, how do we do our job when our hair is on fire?
The shift can happen when we move the conversation from polarization to curiosity about values.
Instead of getting stuck in the “who’s right, who’s wrong” trap, help clients explore:
- What values are most important to them?
- Are they living in alignment with those values?
- How do their current reactions serve or hurt their relationships?
- What would responding from their highest self-look like?
This approach works because it:
Documenting in Polarized Times
Of course, all of this raises questions about documentation. How do we write about politically charged sessions? How do we capture your client’s experience without exposing them or yourself?
Focus on the therapeutic process, not the political content:
Instead of: “Client expressed anger about recent terrorist attack and made inflammatory comments about immigrants.”
Try: “Client processing strong emotional reactions to recent news events. Explored how external stressors impact mood and relationships. Worked on identifying personal values and developing coping strategies for managing intense emotions.”
Document the clinical work:
Keep the political content out and the therapeutic process in.
Set Boundaries Without Abandoning Hope
This doesn’t mean you have to work with clients who are genuinely disrespectful or hateful. You have the right to maintain professional boundaries and refer clients whose values are fundamentally incompatible with your ability to provide effective care.
But it does mean learning to respond from a grounded place rather than from big, blaming emotions.
Because criticism never changes anyone. Neither does shaming, arguing, or trying to prove someone wrong.
What changes people is:
- Curiosity about their experience
- Compassion for their pain
- Connection that helps them feel understood
- Courage to challenge that leaves them empowered
Practical Steps
When you’re feeling triggered by current events or client reactions:
Before the session:
- Do a brief grounding exercise
- Notice your thoughts, physical sensations, and emotional state
- Extend curiosity and compassion to your experience
- Set an intention to respond, not react
- Remember: clinically, their behavior is information, not provocation
During the session:
- Keep noticing your body’s reactions, thoughts, and emotions without judgment
- Remember that your feelings are important and need to wait until after the session for your full attention
- Breathe before responding to inflammatory comments
- Get curious about what’s underneath your client’s strong emotions
- Be compassionate with how your clients protect themselves
- Focus on their experience, not your opinions
After the session:
- Process your reactions with a supervisor or colleague
- Journal about what triggered you and why (keep this separate from your client’s file!)
- Plan for (and even role play during supervision) similar situations in future sessions
The Documentation Reality
Yes, you need to document these challenging sessions. But you can do it ethically and safely:
Keep in mind that your notes might be reviewed years from now for research purposes. The personal stories and individual experiences shared in therapeutic conversations like these – how political tensions affect real people’s mental health, relationships, sense of personal safety, and daily functioning – form crucial documentation for understanding the psychological impact of historical events. But the need to maintain client confidentiality and our need for self-reflection never changes.
A Time of Unique Challenges
Current events are shaking the ground we walk on and pushing all of us to the edge. What traumatizes our clients also impacts us, and pretending otherwise doesn’t serve anyone.
Your job isn’t to be unaffected by the world’s pain. Your job is to do your own work so you can show up grounded, curious, and compassionate for your clients, even when they’re expressing views that trigger you, even if you find it necessary to terminate services.
Give yourself the same curiosity, compassion, and connection you hope to offer your clients. Because we really can change the world, one client at a time, but only if we’re willing to start with ourselves.
Feeling overwhelmed by challenging client dynamics?
You’re not alone. When the world feels chaotic, having solid documentation practices can provide the professional grounding you need to do your best therapeutic work.
Strengthen your documentation with proven strategies.
Beth Rontal, LICSW, a private practice therapist and the Documentation Wizard® is a nationally recognized consultant on mental health documentation. Her Misery and Mastery® trainings and accompanying forms are developed to meet strict Medicare requirements. Beth’s Documentation Wizard training program helps clinicians turn their clinical skill and intuition into a systematic review of treatment that helps to pass audits, protect income, maintain professional standards of care, reduce documentation anxiety and increase self-confidence. Beth’s forms have been approved by 2 attorneys, a bioethicist, and a billing expert and have been used all over the world. She mastered her teaching skills with thousands of hours supervising and training both seasoned professionals and interns when supervising at an agency for 11 years. Her newest initiative, Membership Circle, is designed to empower psychotherapists to master documentation with expert guidance, efficient strategies, and a supportive community.
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